Bullying

Bullying is one topic that always triggers something in me, I’m not exactly sure why, as I wasn’t bullied as a kid, but then if we all wait to get triggered by things we only went through, what will then be the point of humanity?

In most cases when we talk about bullying, we immediately think of primary and high school, but the truth is anyone can be bullied, in school, at work, homes, even places of worship.

The moment you look down and act against an inferior person, whether in height, weight, status or anyone that’s defenseless, you have bullied the person, you have given them a reason to hate the position they are, thereby hating themselves, you have given one of God’s creation a reason to question Him, and He never forgets.

One of the worse atrocities you can commit against Him is to make your fellow human look up to Him in question, asking why some get to be super while others are defenseless, why some get to have and others don’t and why some get to bully while others fret for their lives.

As for children and high school students who are being bullied, more than half of students lives are spent at school, imagine being scared to walk into a place you spend more than half of your teenage life, and in most cases, it’s both physical and psychological.

No one deserves that kind of trauma, no one. If there’s anyone you know that’s being bullied, make a report, call out the bully.

If you are being bullied, seek help, know no-one is superior to you, fight for yourself if no one else would, you don’t deserve to be picked on.

If you have a friend that bullies others and you keep mum, remember Leonardo Da Vinci said “He who does not oppose evil, commands it to be done”.

And if you are the bully! If your peace of mind comes from harming others, if your happiness comes from putting them down, if you feel better by making others feel worse, I have some news for you, someday soon, you will harm the one whose cries has direct access to God’s ears and from that instance,  you’d have lost all your chances to do better, and will only then get the reward that comes to those who spend all their nights and days wondering how and when they went wrong with God.

No one deserves to go to bed wondering what the point of waking up the next day is.

Do better!

Anger Management

About two days ago, an incident happened that got me very angry, for someone who almost never gets angry, you can only imagine the level of anger I was at, the type that makes you feel a knot in your tummy and you just want to scream and slam something. Well, I knew I immediately had to leave the scene, there was no point being there anymore and sticking around would have ⁣⁣⁣
only led to two things;⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣1. Harsh words that can’t be taken back⁣⁣⁣
2. Actions that’ll be worse than what prompted the anger. ⁣⁣⁣
One thing was sure if I hadn’t left the scene, “REGRET”⁣⁣⁣
I asked myself why I was so mad, asides from the obvious fact of what had happened Ofcourse and I realized it was the because I felt like my pain/anger felt irrelevant because what actually happened wouldn’t have been seen as a big deal to anyone else, and it made me much more furious but I said to myself, my pain is valid, my anger was justified and me being able to control myself even made it more justifiable.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣In this light, I’ll be sharing basic tips to controlling your anger.⁣⁣⁣
I’m not a certified therapist and I hardly get angry so I might not be in the best position to give tips, ⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣but I hope these help.⁣⁣⁣
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1. Leave the scene of the incident, there is literally nothing left for you there. LEAVE!⁣⁣⁣
2. Again, the scene of the incident will only make you even more furious, LEAVE.⁣⁣⁣
3. Understand that your pain is valid, you’ve been hurt and you did not deserve it.⁣⁣⁣
4. Take a walk, a drive, keep busy. In doing this, you’ll clear your head and can then make the right decision in addressing what had happened from a critical point of thinking and not the point of mere anger.⁣⁣⁣
5. Talk to someone, this is called “ranting”. This has such a relieving effect you can never overestimate, it helps you free all your built up emotions. You’d be surprised you’ll find yourself laughing at the end of the conversation and you’ll start to wonder why you were so mad in the first place.⁣⁣⁣

6)Address the issue, you can now talk to the person that made you angry, this is extremely important so such incident will not occur again, for if it does, these tips might really not come in handy the next time.

I hope this helps.

PS, when I’m not in control of a situation such as this, I practice taking in deep breathes for about a minute. It goes a long way in helping.

All my love.

S

Now or Whenever

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves or at least hear from others and choose to believe is “Now or never” ⁣
Believing this, we put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves, we start running with no one chasing after us, choosing to forget Life is a race with no one and nothing waiting at the finish line. ⁣
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Whatever it is you wish to achieve, pacing yourself on an unrealistic timeline or unnecessary pressure will not bring it any closer, the easiest and most appreciated success are those that come unexpectedly, the ones you do everything and anything to reach, most times come with a part of you wondering if it was even worth it?⁣ Is that it? So this is it? The satisfaction and fulfillment is just never as it should be.⁣
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If you don’t get that 40 under 40 Forbes list, you’ll get 100 or 1000 most influential humans, if you don’t get married before 25, you’ll still spend the rest of your long life with a good partner, if you don’t publish your first book by 30, you’ll still be a proud author of a lot more than a book by 60, if you don’t make your first million by 21, you’ll still be a multi millionaire at 35, if you don’t graduate by 21, you’ll still work till your are 60. ⁣
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God’s mercy literally has no timeframe! He happens in a second! He doesn’t go with a pace you have blindly chosen, take life easy, no one gets out of it alive, not even life itself.⁣
It shouldn’t be now or never, it’s now or whenever, it happens a little bit later than you had planned takes nothing away from the accomplishment, you should be proud of your success, whenever it does come. ⁣
Those who truly love you will cheer you on at any point of your life. Be it now or whenever.⁣
Breatheeeee…⁣
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All my love ⁣
S 🌹

Never Forget

I’ve heard it’s easy to mock a pain you’ve never been through, how then do you explain a pain you have indeed been through but have chosen to forget, and inhumanely mock those who are now going through it.⁣
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Yes, it’s human to forget what we’ve been through, once we feel an ounce of relief. But, be also human enough to remember what it felt like when you see someone else going through it. ⁣
Often times you see women who have been pregnant questioning expectant mothers on their level of tiredness or weakness.⁣
Most times mothers-in-law who have been through hard times at early stages of their marriage are those who remain adamant about being unfair to new brides, and those who finally made it to the top wondering why it’s taking you so long to figure life out.⁣
You have felt your relief, but never forget.⁣
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Never forget how every broken bone hurt, every scream and break of sweat, never forget lonely nights and frustrating echoes, the times you almost gave up and times you were certain it was over.⁣
Never forget the few good people who chose not to forget their own humble beginnings and painful tracks; in this, they helped you through.⁣
Never forget, so when you see someone in pain, something in you pushes you to reach out to them. Something in you says no, you’ve been through it, no one else should. Something in you says no, it doesn’t have to be the same rough path for everybody. ⁣
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No matter how relieved you are now, never forget how it felt, so you don’t mock the next person to go through it. If you won’t find them a solution, the least you can do is not mock their pain. ⁣
For life is a cycle and the one who brought you some relief can cease its existence before the smirk on your face gets waved off.⁣
Never Forget.⁣
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All My Love.⁣
S🌹

10 Things I’ve Learnt In 24 Years.

Hiiiii, hope we are all staying safe and sane in these hard times. May we be freed from every virus and lack of freedom very soon.⁣
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…So, I turned 24 yesterday and I asked myself, what has the universe taught you in these 24 years?⁣
I made a mental list but I’d like to share the top 10 with you.⁣
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1. Peace of mind is the best gift you can give yourself. Earn it, keep it and nurture it. Whatever cost you this, tell yourself you cannot afford.⁣
2. Good people in your corner will take you places you never thought possible. In this light, be a good person to others too.⁣
3. Forgive… let go… breathe. Not for them who offered you no explanation or apology nor for those who had no idea they were hurting you. But for you my darling, whose fragile heart should not be an abode for such darkness. Forgive.⁣
4. One day at a time. No matter what it is you are going through, One day at a time. Someday, you’ll wake up, and you’ll laugh again.⁣
5. Family is and will always be everything. Some of us are lucky to have been born into such family that is truly everything, some were born into toxic families and were blessed with chosen ones. Either way, family is everything.⁣
6. Life is a race with no one and nothing waiting at the finish line. So, take your time.⁣
7. Faith will always be your only saving grace, never lose it.⁣
8. Know yourself, more than anything else in the world. Know yourself. ⁣
9. Be your person, you have to be able to count on yourself always, in this, you’ll do what is right by you, choose yourself and love yourself. Unapologetically.⁣
10. Live. Whatever you do, however you do it, you must never stop living. Truly and freely. It’d be a shame to leave this world without ever living. Live.⁣
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Can’t wait to see what the next 24 has to teach me.⁣
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All my love⁣
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S🌹

Forgive Your Parents

There are times we do things we are not very proud of, yet certain people like our parents  do these same things because they are as human as we are and we roll our eyes at them for we expect them to be nothing short of perfect.

These are people who were once just like us and honestly not so much has changed, only the fact that they gave us life, they weren’t offered the rules, no one told them what to expect, nothing prepared them for being in charge of another’s life and you refused to come with a manual. And they, taking each day as it came, hoped they were doing the right thing by you, not sure if they were raising or ruining you, they hoped you would turn out better than they did, they hoped they’d do better than their own parents, they hoped they’d not be as tough; in this they panicked they were spoiling you. They hoped they’d be more firm with you; in this they lost the balance.

Not sure when they are doing too much, not knowing if they are doing too little, and nothing assured them they are doing enough.

They make mistakes and hope you wouldn’t realize, for they hope you’ll always see them as heroes you thought they were, so you can always run to them to save you.

The givers of life are not gods, they are not immortal, they are not heroes, they are merely an older version of you that’d roar at the universe if it dared make a joke of your pure heart. Knowing their roar will do nothing in the face of terror, yet give it the loudest try anyway, for they wish nothing will ever touch you and they can always receive the terror for you.

Forgive them, you did not come with a manual

Forgive them, they have no idea what they are doing

Forgive them, they are as human as you are

Forgive them, as they did come to forgive theirs

Basic Human Decency

Being human, there are basic courtesy that are expected of us. Yet, for some reason, we find them missing in people we come across or even catch ourselves missing them.

Here are a few of these basic courtesy I hope we can learn from.

1. When you see someone sleeping, this isn’t a challenge on the different kind of noises you can make. You should tiptoe around them and avoid waking them.
2. When you see someone using their phone, this is not an invitation to enjoy their screen and whatever is going on there. Look away
3. When you see someone crying, don’t look at them like they are weird, ask if they are okay, help if you can. If you can’t, don’t make things worse for them. (You can revert to my post on Tips on consoling people)
4. When someone lends you money, keep the same enthusiasm as you did when asking, return the money on or before the date you promised and if by any chance you really can’t help it, explain this to them, DO NOT avoid them and make them feel stupid.
5. If it’s not your news/secret, DO NOT share it!
6. If you did not create it, DO NOT judge it.
7. Say hello, smile, breathe.
8. When you exit a room ahead of someone, hold the door for the next person.
9. When you are paid a compliment, don’t say “yes I know”. Simply smile and say thank you.
10. When someone shares a problem, don’t compete with them on whose issues are bigger, listen and be there for them.
11. It’s okay that technology has brought us closer to one another, but please! DO NOT video call someone without prior notice (unless Ofcourse you are family or have that sort of relationship)
12. When you go visit someone, please kindly leave after the fourth hour, you’ve caught up enough.

How Much Do You Love Yourself

When I was much younger, often times I was asked at what age would I like to get married, I didn’t have to think, I’d confidently say 23.⁣⁣
Well… I’ll be turning 24 in a few weeks and what do I have to say…⁣⁣
Am I sad I wasn’t able to “achieve” this?⁣⁣ No.⁣⁣
Do I feel incomplete that I still haven’t found “the one”? ⁣⁣
No.⁣⁣
Am I scared finding the one might take longer than I thought it would ⁣⁣
Still No.⁣⁣
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I’m not a hypocrite, I’m not here to tell you I don’t care about finding the one.⁣⁣
Being a hopeless romantic, I do care about finding him, but along my journey to doing this, I realized that for someone who always says “I loveeee myself” which I really do, the mystery is why was I okay with average for so long, “oh I met this guy, we flow and he’s really okay and I can see myself liking him” ⁣⁣
And for a very long time, this was okay for me; convenient love, calculated love, sane love.⁣⁣
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How do you love yourself so much, yet settle for average, settle for those who wouldn’t go to the ends of the world with and for you, settle for someone you are not certain will be there when life comes to play.⁣⁣
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So, I decided, the kind of love that would stay, the one I deserve, the one I can scream to the world that yes I love myself so much I chose to dig deeper and deeper until I found someone that came head to head with my love for myself.⁣⁣
That love, which even if I went to the 9 planets, 7 continents, 200 countries and every state that speaks a different language, he’d still be the one, no questions asked, no cold feet, no nausea or nervousness, he’s the one. ⁣⁣
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I decided I’ll find that, so when next I say I love myself, I wouldn’t have to question it, it’d be the simple truth and I’d have my defiance against settling to prove it.⁣⁣
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So, my dear single ladies, how much do you love yourself?

Stop Forcing It.

Say no, do not negotiate with terrorists, do not bargain for anyone’s love… Titilope Sonuga⁣⁣⁣
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Many times we find ourselves in friendships and relationships that are purely one sided, all our efforts are never reciprocated and our energy is just not matched, no matter how hard we try, it just always comes off as forced, and there’s nothing we can do about it. ⁣⁣⁣
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Want to know what you can do something about? ⁣⁣⁣
How you choose to react to these unreciprocated relationships, and what you choose to do with them. ⁣⁣⁣
Remembering vibes never lie, you have to stop forcing relationships with people, if they wanted you around they’d show you they do, it’s not so hard to tell when someone wants you in their life, as a matter of fact, it’s one of the easiest things to know, and once you have to question whether or not they do, they most likely do not!⁣⁣⁣
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So why would you choose to keep begging for anyone’s love when there are people out there that’d gladly match your energy, reach your vibe and reciprocate your effort.⁣⁣⁣
It’s fine to give people a chance and make sure you gave it your all, but you have to make sure you are not loosing yourself to earn them, you are not hurting yourself to please them and they are not taking up space, acquiring webs and blocking your pathway.⁣⁣⁣
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Again, “save emotional real estate for the ones that will stay” Titilope Sonuga.⁣⁣⁣
Friendships and relationships are definitely worth fighting for, but you have to make sure those you are fighting for are fighting for you.⁣⁣⁣
Make sure those you would move mountains for will move heavens for you.⁣⁣⁣
Make sure those you would give a kidney to will give you their bone marrow.⁣⁣⁣
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There’s nothing fun about a one sided battle, there’s definitely nothing fun about a one sided love.⁣⁣⁣
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Choose those who choose you.⁣⁣⁣
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All My Love⁣⁣⁣
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S❤️

Tips On Consoling People

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you have to be there to console someone that’s broken, and whatever you say will definitely determine what’s next for them, this responsibility can be so overwhelming and you have no idea what to do or say.

Well… here are tips I hope would help.
1. You are human, you are most definitely capable of compassion, let this be expressed through your eyes
2. Take off your judgement coat
3. Listen with not just your ears but your body
4. When they are done talking, lend them your shoulder to cry on if they need to, and say to them, it’s okay, everything is going to be okay, let them know it wasn’t their fault, they do not deserve whatever must have gone wrong, but it’s going to be okay.
5. Lastly, say to them, WE’ll get through this, you are not alone. We’ll get through this.

Hope this helps.

Tips on what not to say or do;
1. Ehyahhhhh
2. Wow, are you serious
3. Totally shut them up and start saying how you’ve been through worse (no my darling, it’s not a competition and it’s definitely not about you)
4. Start laughing with your eyes or worse, laughing out loud
5. Tell them to be strong
6. Cut them off for a call or something else
7. Make a joke out of the situation because you don’t know what to say.
8. And for the love of God, do not belittle their pain just because you don’t think the issue is that much of a big deal.

Again, I hope this helps.
Love & Light🌹❤️