Sometimes, You Are The Problem

Have you ever reflected on past relationships and friendships and realized you were probably part of the problem or even majorly so?⁣
Are you one of those people that are certain they can never be at fault?⁣
Are you of the opinion you are if not perfect, prettyyyyy close to being so?⁣

News flash my love, no one is close to being perfect, you are just a few steps away from finding out just how flawed you actually are, how sometimes you are the problem, and how in some people’s stories, you are the toxic one that needs to be cut off. ⁣

Honestly, we all subconsciously choose to be blind to our own flaws, while seeing other’s effortlessly in 3D, truth is in whatever partnership you might find yourself, you CANNOT and WILL NOT always be right, as long as you are human which I’m pretty sure you are. ⁣

Personally, I’ve come to realize patience is one virtue that’s not so easy to exercise and most times we just conclude everyone but us is the problem so we keep cutting them off while believing we are doing ourselves a favour, but, if you are the one that has a problem with everyone, what if you are the problem?? What if you are the toxic one? What if? Just what if?⁣
Think about it and retrace your steps.⁣
You are not perfect, and you are definitely not beyond mistakes.⁣
So before you cut the next person off, make sure you are not the one that should be cut off.⁣

Love & Light 🌹❤️

Now Is Next

Most times we hold conversations either with people around or with ourselves, and these times what we mostly talk about is what’s next, what are we doing with our lives, what’s our purpose and what not. Looking back at half our lives, all we’ve always thought and talked about is what’s next, the next thing to look forward to, to excite ourselves about, to tie our happiness around. ⁣

What we fail to realize is we keep searching for what’s next and then when we achieve that or even before, our mind is already calculating what’s after, and it’s a search that’ll never really end, an unending cycle of misery if you ask me.⁣
You know how you go to small stalls and they have it on the wall “no credit today, come back tomorrow” because the truth is tomorrow never really comes, you are never in tomorrow, it’s a place you never get to.⁣

Now is all you have, the unending cycle for what’s next is exactly what it is; Unending. And you’ll only go through your life asking questions no one has answers to.⁣
Don’t miss out on the next you so much craved all because your mind has moved on to what’s after.⁣
Enjoy the next you worked so hard for, it’s here, it’s this very moment, it’s now.⁣
Now is all there is, now is all you have, and now is what is next… Now is next.⁣
Breathe in….. Breathe out….. Enjoy it 🌹⁣

Let Them Breathe

That lady who has been married for a while and has no kid is suffering from Endometriosis.⁣

The fat guy you see eating instead of exercising is depressed and finds solace in food.⁣

The skinny teen you roll your eyes at and wonder why she’s starving herself is anorexic.⁣

The kid that’s failing in class is doing all the very best he can but it’s just so difficult and impossible. ⁣

The woman you called a failure for leaving her marriage could and would have died if she hadn’t. ⁣

The celebrities you expect to be perfect role models and should never go wrong are as human as you are.⁣

The man you are sure doesn’t deserve what he gets because he’s privileged, broke every bone in his body to get where he is.⁣

⁣…To you who lives everyday automatically judging others, convinced and believing you know them so well so you can raise a brow to question how and why they live their lives the way they do.⁣

You don’t even have to choose to judge before your whole demeanor is doing so, it is in you, you see someone and you automatically roll your eyes, you hear about them and you question why, you don’t hear about them and you wonder what’s the big deal she’s hiding, what’s he cooking up, and you tell yourself you couldn’t care less but you do care, and your whole being is aching to know what’s going on, not because you are concerned, you just want to know so you can convince yourself it’s not even all that. ⁣

⁣I’m not attacking you, we all catch ourselves subconsciously doing it sometimes, but the next time you do, that eye you take up to roll, circle it right back to it’s rightful position and say to yourself… Let her breathe… Let him breathe… Let Them Breathe!⁣

The world will be a better place if we all drink water and mind the business that pays us.⁣

Enjoy the rest of your day.⁣

We Are All Dying

Before the African in you has my head on a plate, listen…. or in this case, read.

You know how those who are terminally ill are given a time frame of how much time they’ve got left? For some it’s weeks, others months and if lucky enough, years.

Well… we are all dying and the only difference is we have about 70,60,50 years ahead of us hopefully.

Now for those who have been given this time frame, this is when some start to truly live, after all what else do they have to lose right?

So how about we all just do the same, start to actually live, start to choose ourselves, stop waiting for human validation from people who wouldn’t blink twice if anything went wrong with us, start being human enough to flinch when our fellow human is hurting, start prioritizing our health and happiness,  start letting others live, start letting go of the pain, hurt and bitterness, start checking off those bucket lists, start taking note of the things that matter and truly count, start living a life worth remembering… because whether or not you agree with me, we are actually really all dying and it’s just a matter of time before we do.

I hope and pray we all live very long lives, in good health, happiness, and fulfillment.

Here’s to living🌹

Let’s talk About Communication

Hey beautiful people, long time no “see”… lool ⁣
So today I’d like to address how important communication is in any relationship; be it friendship, family, partnerships or whatever kind of relationship you might find yourself in or even any situation.⁣

One of the best things you can do for yourself is speaking up, expressing yourself, it saves us a whole lot of Mary go round and keeping things in will only lead to irritation and eventually hatred that’ll get no one anywhere.⁣

A while ago I wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t tell my best friend and I was just silently mad that she wasn’t a witch and didn’t know…guess what? We ended up talking the next day and realized she wasn’t feeling well either and we both just didn’t say anything… Firstly, it was ridiculous of me to expect her to read through my replies and figure out I’m sick, secondly, if we had not eventually said something, we’d both keep it to each other how we actually felt and be wrong about the whole situation.⁣

Many times we are so certain of our side of the story, meanwhile it’s not at all what we are sure it is, many misunderstandings wouldn’t have escalated if the parties involved had just said something and chosen to understand each other, how does someone stop doing what you feel is wrong if you don’t tell them you feel wronged by their actions?⁣
Why do we always expect people to figure out what’s wrong with us when it could be a million and one things?⁣

I get that it’s sometimes hard to put your emotions into words and even harder when the person you are communicating with is just not getting it… still, let’s all make that effort, let’s all cautiously remind ourselves people are not witches and wizards, neither are they mind readers… how about we respect our relationships enough to take the easy way out and say something.⁣

PS, let’s not forget listening is an essential part of communication🌹

The Two Week Phase

Hey people, hope you had a restful holiday… now that we are back, let’s talk😁
So as always, I was having a conversation with someone and we got talking about the “two week phase” of talking to people, the one where you meet someone, you get all excited, the way you meet them is the cutest so you are certain this is the universe saying it’s your turn, you experience this “flow” and ease with them, you’d be a pessimist to doubt yourself this time, you chat all day, talk for hours, get each other’s sarcasm, detect the jokes, you even start considering telling your friends “there’s someone”, all these in the first 8-10 days… And then all of a sudden, as you already knew, something changes, you are not even sure what, or when or even how, you just notice this shift, this change and there’s nothing you can do about it, the remaining 10-14 days is merely for the struggle of trying so you’d know you did try and then before you know it, it’s over…. you let it go cos it was not really yours to hold on to in the first place and the moment you are getting better with yourself, you meet someone else and it happens all over again, your mind tells your heart not to be excited this time, but eventually it happens again and then two weeks down the line, you tell yourself you knew it already anyway, and the worse part? You don’t get used to it, not if you are a hopeless romantic like me anyway, you keep quoting Maya Angelou who said “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time”.
But the problem with this cycle as she pointed out is at some point you start to doubt yourself, you start to think of the things you might be doing wrong, you start to count the number of people you’ve talked to for only 2 weeks and wonder what if, just what if you are the problem? What could you be doing wrong? What scares them away eventually?
But let me tell you exactly what I told her, you are not the only one going through this, many people are and they think something is wrong with them as well, but no, you are not the problem, there’s nothing you are doing wrong, there’s no pattern here, definitely no mistakes,

it’s just a phase and it’ll pass, your heart will eventually get excited for that one, the one who on the 14th day will still be there making your belly hurt with butterflies, and a month later still giving you reasons to laugh till your mind is rolling it’s eyes, and years down the line, convinced your mind he/she really is here to stay and has definitely put an end to the two weeks cycle or whatever cycle you must be sick and tired of.

IT’S NOT TOUR FAULT

YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM

IT’S JUST A PHASE!

Back Up!

My peopleeee! Sorry I’ve been on a longgg break… anyway now that I’m back, there’s something I’d really like to get off my chest..
A friend and I were talking about how close he and his sister are and it’s just the two of them so you can imagine the bond, but now she has a fiancé and things haven’t been as “tight” as they used to be and he was asking if it’s weird to feel that way.
The truth is I get the closeness, I get that special bond you have with those you’ve spent your whole life with (siblings) and having 3 brothers who literally mean everything to me, my sister always attacks me about being too close to them and how it might affect their wives when they come, but I know the moment their queens come in the picture, it’s no question, I’m out! It’s all cute and yummy when your brother calls you first when he gets good news or just can’t wait to see you before anyone else, the question is will you also find it as cute and yummy when your boyfriend calls his sister before you the second he has something to share?
We need to know the easiest way to understand people and to be fair is to put ourselves in their shoes, it’s all cute being the “smallie” of the family who gets 3 effortless “bodyguards” but I always tell myself it’s only for a short while, my actual “bodyguard” is somewhere and I won’t be in competition with another person’s daughter just because I’m “cute”
So! Let’s try to back up and step back when it’s time, a competition is just not an option, and the truth is if you don’t give room, you’ll be in a ridiculous game you don’t even know your mind is playing.
So… to all the cute sisters and G brothers, let’s be sensitive enough to know when to give room and hopefully, we get to find our very own “bodyguards” and “smallies” that we won’t even have that much time to be in an unhealthy competition with people we are supposed to respect and care for.
This being said…
Enjoy the rest of your day guys

Revolution It Will Be!

EDD036D8-35DF-4F1B-996F-393D666C0094To the ones whose way of thinking has been laid out for them before conception
Their way of life planned out before their very first step
Their likes and dislikes are duly scrutinized by every member of their society
Being asked to path the inferiority complex of a lower citizen or they’ll be seen as insensitive
Wanting to be different is a slap to their mothers…
And daring to be is a revolution unthinkable
Well revolution it is
And revolution it will be.
For we will think outside the box
Live as heroes that we truly are
Like what we want and disregard what we don’t.
Choose who deserves true sensitivity and come head to head with those whose ego needs to be schooled!
We are already different
Born a multitasker
Layers and layers of strength unimaginable
Pages and pages of beauty that has nothing to do with features you can objectify
Creativity without measure
Laughing gracefully with lights in our eyes depending on the recipient, to burn or to shine, you decide… We are already different, you want a revolution?
Revolution you will have.
For We Are Enough And We Know It NOW
Here’s To Women!

To Each His Own

Okay, so earlier today, a friend and I had to run some errands, so we decided to take a drive together… a song came on and he goes ohh it’s been a while I heard about her, I remember when her husband cheated…and then he goes “she did well”
This, he meant by she not leaving him, she did well and it was impressive
I kept quiet for about 3 seconds and I’m like nope, I can’t let this pass, what do you mean by she did well, so the woman who knows she can’t condone infidelity and chooses to leave for her sanity didn’t do well because she chose herself??
The woman who knows the exact limit she can get to before drowning, thereby keeping herself afloat didn’t do well because she chose to survive??
And who are we to judge what’s right or wrong about what decisions people make for their lives.
I’m like I’m not saying the lady in subject didn’t do well for staying, but don’t go around thinking the other “didn’t do well” for knowing fully well and being sure she can’t live in a certain way.
Yes you can choose to forgive your spouse for whatever reason, and even stay with them, but forgiveness does not mean you have to keep taking it, you can forgive, you can let go yet choose to leave.
I’m not saying everyone should leave once something goes wrong, but don’t make other people feel less of themselves for doing what’s best for them!
To each his own!!!!
If you know you cannot take it and it will break you, you don’t have to care who chooses to see you “didn’t do well”, who’s keeping scores anyway and who made them the chairperson of the affairs of your life???
Stay if you can, it’s okay
Leave if you can’t, still very much okay!
As if at the end of the day, there’s a trophy for “who did well” and who didn’t… Iranu
And guess what, on this same ride, he asked how come someone’s a Tom boy, doesn’t she want to get married?🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️
It was at this point I knew I was done!🙄

The Soulmates I Lost No Rib For.

4C6AA86F-878A-4A89-97E8-20E61F2A8F7BAnyone who knows me knows how much friendship means to me
It has to be one of two things, either the universe knows this and decided to bless me with the best humans on earth as friends OR I have the best humans on earth as friends so I have no choice but to love the idea of friendship.
…To the family I didn’t have to go out of my way to choose, yet found me and decided to stay
The soul mates I didn’t have to loose a rib for, yet are so close to my heart, it’s unfathomable.
The companions life chose to throw at me for some reason I am not aware of, but will always be grateful for.
The ladies I call friends
Sisters that chose to stay, and partners that just get it!
A few times in life, you get lucky enough to meet those who couldn’t make it to your blood circle cos they had to bless a different one, but are so important the universe goes out of its way to help you reach them.
When this happens, you should also go out of your own way for these people, be the same sunshine to them as they are to you, be there for them, be there with them, trust me, good friends in your corner is one of the best things life can throw at you. And when this happens, life is only an adventure waiting to unfold!
I hope we all get to find those that are important enough for the universe to help us reach.
Yours
S🌹